"Linux Gazette...making Linux just a little more fun!"

The Back Page

About This Month's Authors
Not Linux

About This Month's Authors

Shane Collinge

Part computer programmer, part cartoonist, part Mars Bar. At night, he runs around in a pair of colorful tights fighting criminals. During the day... well, he just runs around. He eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's sleepy.

Matteo Dell'Omodarme

I'm a student at the University of Pisa and a Linux user since 1994. Now I'm working on the administrations of Linux boxes at the Astronomy section of the Department of Physics, with special experience about security. My primary email address is matt@martine2.difi.unipi.it.

Mark Fevola

Mark Fevola earned a BA in Technical Writing and a minor in Computer Science, Magna Cum Laude from the University of Maine. In 1994 he brought the commercial Internet to the State of Maine by founding the oldest Maine ISP. He spells grey with an 'e', never wears watches, hates mushrooms, reads books, and collects minerals.

Mark Nielsen

Mark works at ZING (www.genericbooks.com) and GNUJobs.com. Previously, Mark founded The Computer Underground. Mark works on non-profit and volunteer projects which promote free literature and software. To make a living, he recruits people for GNU related jobs and also provides solutions for web/database problems using Linux, FreeBSD, Apache, Zope, Perl, Python, and PostgreSQL.

Ben Okopnik

A cyberjack-of-all-trades, Ben wanders the world in his 38' sailboat, building networks and hacking on hardware and software whenever he runs out of cruising money. He's been playing and working with computers since the Elder Days (anybody remember the Elf II?), and isn't about to stop any time soon.

Juraj Sipos

I live and work in Bratislava, Slovakia as a library information worker, translator and research reader at the Institute for Child Psychology. I published some of my poetry here and in USA, I translated some books from English (e.g., Zen Flesh, Zen Bones by Paul Reps). You can see some of my stories and poetry at http://www.crosswinds.net/~aproximetri/index.htm. Computers are my hobby.

Not Linux

News flash! Next version of Windows just announced

I wouldn't trust it any farther than I can throw it.

Spams I have known

Some of the funnier spams found in the Gazette mailbox.

I have got your e-mail from the Web site and I am very interested in working for your company. I have a BS in Electrical Engineering and computer science and worked on my Master degree in Telecommunication engineering (not finished due to the lucrative market!).

[Oh really? And which e-mail are you referring to? LG has certainly not been soliciting for engineers. -Mike.]

Hello Again answerguy! If this message has reached you in error, please use the removal link at the end of this e-mail. However, I will do my part by keeping you informed...

[Thanks for keeping us informed. NOT! -Mike.]

Imagine how wealthy you would be now if you owned a chunk of a company like Yahoo or Hotmail. You would be loaded. However, if someone had contacted you a few years ago and offered you the opportunity to own a slice of one of these companies, what would you have done? I will tell you. You would have ignored the chance because you would have considered it a get-rich-quick scheme and relegated the proposal to the trashcan.

[Darn right. -Mike.]

Well, in January a brand new online community (name) is being launched and it is generally felt, by people who know about these things, that it is going to be as big, if not bigger, than the companies I have mentioned.

I am offering you a chance to be part of this Company for FREE! True, there is an opportunity to invest $25, if you want to increase your earning power, but that choice is purely optional.

You can condemn this message to the waste bin, but if you decide to do this, remember: in a few years time when [the company] is really big--you had the opportunity to be on board for no cost and you just couldn't be bothered.

This is not Spam: This message is sent in compliance of the new email Bill HR 1910. Under Bill HR 1910 passed by the 106th US Congress on May 24, 1999, this message cannot be considered SPAM as long as we include the way to be removed.

Having purchased a CD or CD package from DWE in the past, you are elegible for this special one time deal.

MS Windows 98 SE - $20.00
MS Windows 2000 Pro - $20.00
MS Office 2000 Premium - $20.00
MS Windows ME - $20.00

[Since when has LG ever bought a CD? -Mike.]

We are responding to your request for FREE analysis of your site. We feel there is very substantial potential to promote your site on the Internet. We have proprietary software and assortment of other Internet tools designed to make your site popular and bring traffic that is interested in your product area. This can put dollars in your pocket.

[Oh dear, LG doesn't have enough readers! Never mind the mirrors in 50 countries we've attracted without an Internet consultant. -Mike.]

International Aviation CD Database

- 650,000 Aircraft Owners and Operators in 105 countries worldwide - includes telephone #'s and address corrections.

- 54,000 Aviation Companies - Includes contacts, email addresses, website, phone, fax, much more.

- 600,000 Pilots - Updated pilot list with phone #'s and address corrections.

ALL ON ONE $259 CD-ROM.

[Hmm, I guess this might be useful for something. -Mike.]

This IPO company is reserving a portion of the shares offered for sale to individual investors and will not sell these shares to institutional investors. Shares will be sold on a first come first serve basis; you will not be bumped for a large investor! It is anticipated that the offering will close within the next 30 days. Any Subscription Agreement received after the deadline will be promptly returned. You need not purchase through a stockbroker and there are no commissions to be paid. Only a few investors have been chosen to invest in the IPO of a revolutionary company that may change the way real estate is sold.

[So buying shares is now a "privilege"? -Mike.]

Hello answerguy, Get Your Free Vacation Now. Go to the URL below an enter your email address and you are finished. THAT's IT. Enjoy you Free Vacation.

[Why does Jim get all the free vacation offers? -Mike.]

And the award for most ironic spam goes to...

Are you still using an old operating system? Why not upgrade to a newer and more reliable version? You'll enjoy greater features and more stability.

Microsoft DOS 6.22				$15
Microsoft Windows 3.11				$15
Microsoft Windows 95				$15
Microsoft Windows 98 SE 			$20
Microsoft Windows Millenium 			$20
Microsoft Windows 2000 Pro 			$20
Microsoft Windows 2000 Server			$50
Microsoft Windows 2000 Advanced Server (25CAL)	$65

[Oh, so DOS 6.22 is a "new" Operating System? I wonder what kind of "old" Operating System they expect somebody in 2001 to replace with DOS 6.22. -Mike.]

Happy Linuxing!

Michael Orr
Editor, Linux Gazette, gazette@linuxgazette.net